The One Where I Quit My Job

10/25/2023

Written By: Christina Gregory

Before Sarah was the “mother of nations” (Gen 17:6) and an obedient wife (1 Peter 3:5-6) she was undermining and fueled by control.

Before brave Esther saved a nation with her humble, honoring posture towards her husband, she withheld truth.

Before Gomer was redeemed, she was shackled to her sins.

Before I found rest in submission, before I sought righteousness over my desire to be right, before I gave space for the Spirit to move my husband into the position of head of our household I was controlling, bitter and condescending.

Fun fact, I managed a plumbing company before I retired to be home full time. I loved it. I was good at it. I had great owners who trusted my opinions and gave me freedom to make decisions. I led a team of 20 men who were talented, easy to work with and knew far more about plumbing than I ever will. I was the boss and I had the power and I liked it.

I would come home from work after a long day of being respected and listened to by a bunch of men who knew better than to talk bad about me to my face, and I could not understand why my husband didn’t fall in line as well. I was smart, effective and my intentions were always good.

It had always been the plan for me to eventually leave the workforce to be home. But first we needed to pay off my student loans and we had set a goal for Anthony’s income. But God’s plans were early, and He clearly called me out of the workforce way ahead of schedule. With my student loans still gaining interest and Anthony’s income not quite where we intended, we took what would be our very first leap of faith and I became a housewife!

We found out real quick that a nagging wife, two toddlers and a husband working from home does not make for a well-functioning household.

Fed up, I called my own mom to complain. The Spirit spoke directly through her and right to my heart when she said, “I know you’re opinionated and you’re probably even right. But you can give him your opinion in a kind, respectful manner and just trust that God will help him make the right decisions.”

Honestly, I didn’t like it. It wasn’t the advice I wanted. I probably wasn’t looking for advice at all. But the idea of not having to compromise my voice and letting everything fall on my husband's shoulders….that I could work with. Thankfully this conversation came during a divinely timed sermon series on the book of Ruth, and I wanted a husband like Boaz! He was generous, steady and respectful. But Ruth wasn’t demanding, self-promoting and quick tongued like I was. Ruth was humble, loyal and had unwavering faith.

I realized that if I had been appointed to convict, reform and lead my husband it would have already worked by then. It was in this season that I learned that the only thing I can control is my response, and the only person equipped to convict is the Father.

1 Peter 3:1-6 has become my standard for which I choose to honor my husband, marriage and the Father, 

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,” 

“Gentle and quiet spirit” have never been used to describe me, but I learned to have moments when I am gentle and quiet-spirited. Instead of lecturing, I prayed a lot. I would literally put my head down and bite my tongue and ask the Father to handle it. Instead of expressing my disappointment, I would humbly remind him that I was always on his side and for him. I recommitted myself to being Christ-like…to “pure conduct”...and I had hope he would take notice. And he did.

Anthony has grown into a man that men look up to, he has a fierce love for me and is in constant pursuit of being Christ-like.

I believe God called me out of my career to rein in my ego, repair my marriage and ultimately give Him glory. God knows best where I will thrive, where He can best mold me and use me, and also where my potential is not being met. This is not at all a suggestion that women should not work outside the home. But an encouragement to invite the Lord to rearrange your life, marriage and your home to reflect His intent for us and ultimately draw you and your spouse closer to Him.

This is a subject I could talk at great length about and it’s also one I know is quite delicate. Given the space, infinite caveats could be included, starting with the continuation to 1 Peter 3:7. But I’ll leave you with this, myself or any of Victory’s pastors or leadership team would be honored to talk with you about expectations of a safe and healthy marriage of mutual submission