Our Daily Bread

5/31/2023

Written By: Justina Murphy

“Give today our daily bread” - Matthew 6:11

So, there I was, sitting in the dark downstairs bathroom, head in my hands, quietly sobbing. As tears rolled down my face, I could hear my babies in the living room. I knew my escape would have to be quick, a few seconds at most. Soon they would need me again and I had to show up put together, present, and happy.

“Lord, I can’t do this”, it was the only thing that could escape my lips through my silent sobs.

Never before had I been filled with such defeat and shame. Here I was, by all standards, blessed beyond measure. And I knew it, yet I couldn’t seem to keep it together. Why was I always falling short? Why was I failing? The dose of anxiety and stress seemed to be growing larger with each passing day.

The overwhelm of each day seemed to creep up my body and into my mind like a vine-y weed the moment my feet hit the ground in the morning and every night the cloak of guilt would become my most dreaded yet most consistent comrade.

The weight of it all pulled on me like a heavy stone carrying me to the bottom of an ocean. Every day it was pulling me further, deeper down. I was struggling, fighting each day to keep my head above water just enough to keep breathing.

The to-do lists, the meal planning, the schedule management, the appointments, the budgets, the schooling, growing a business, the expectations, the house, the projects, my kids, my marriage… don’t forget to manage relationships, improve my health, break generational trauma, do better for my kids… be more, be better, prove yourself!

The demons were winning. The lies were slowly becoming my truth… I can’t do this. I am not the right person for this job.

My prayers were heard but not answered in the darkness of that bathroom. I dried my eyes, put on a smile, and walked back into my world to try harder.

One evening, a few days later, I sat in the cozy living room of a dear friend as we embarked on a new study for Lent. I sat among new and familiar faces. I wasn’t expecting what was about to come. I wasn’t prepared for something so simple to hit so deeply. But there I was, profoundly positioned to slow down and hear God in a way I had never before.

God is funny in how He moves.

It was on that night that I heard the Lord’s prayer in a new light, a new way, a heart-changing sort of way.

Scattered like seeds in a field, a friend simply said these words in passing among her other deep thoughts. Yet unexpectedly these words bloomed in my heart. Like a spring flower, they were hope of a warmer, brighter time ahead.

“Give me today my daily bread”.

“I simply trust that God will give me my daily bread each day. Some things are mine to be concerned with each day but not everything. God doesn’t give us all the bread, just OUR DAILY bread.”

And there it was, the answer.

I had been taking more bread than God had intended for me.

Here I was believing the lies of the enemy. The enemy was telling me I HAD to take the whole table with me every day. It was all my responsibility and I had to do it well if I were to be of value.

As I carried the mess of the meal with me each day I was quickly missing out on all the gifts that God had given me. Resentment was brewing, anger was growing, and the enemy was winning.

The truth was I was never going to be able to manage the whole meal in one day. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t possible.

The enemy wants us to believe we HAVE to do it all in order to be valued. The enemy tells us that everyone else is capable and we are simply failures if we can’t do it too. It is a spiral of failure and shame.

The truth is God never needs us to earn our value. He gave us our value when He chose to send His Son to die for us. No matter how much I accomplish in a day, no matter how full or empty my to-do list, I am valued because GOD says I am.

So now, when the weight of the world, of life, of to-dos, begins to pull me down, it’s time to pause and ask:

“What is my daily bread today, Lord? Show me what is mine to be concerned with and what I should let be for another day.”