Motherhood

5/8/2024

Written By: Nancy Purtlebaugh

I watched the sweet baby drooling and smiling at everyone in front of me, lovingly held by his mom. She was singing along with the church band, while holding her baby, not knowing that he was the center of attention for many watching him. He was loving the attention, all while safely held in his mom’s arms. Oh, how I miss those days–knowing they are safe and held–because I was the one holding them.

As she gathered her things up to go, her arm soaked in drool, the mom looked for somewhere to set her son down because her arms were tired. Truthfully every part of her was tired. She wasn’t sure how she was going to make it through the day after virtually no sleep the night before. She turned around and saw a little girl, holding her mom’s hand, picking her coloring page up off the floor and handing it to her mom. “Here mommy, now can we go get lunch?” Her mom was dressed like her daughter, well rested and put together perfectly. Lord, can we just get to that part? I just want some rest. Her little baby cooed, and she looked down and smiled…someday.

The mom dressed just like her daughter, with everything in place, wondered how long it would take people to see through the facade? If her clothes were not exactly right, if her hair wasn’t perfect, would they be able to see how much she was struggling? Would her daughter ever get past these terrible 3s? Sure, at church they had it all together and she did what she should. Most didn’t know the reason her daughter was sitting with her in the first place was because she threw such a fit last week in her class that she was nervous to take her back. She noticed the mom and dad in front of them with the twins that looked to be in elementary school. Oh Lord, once we get to that stage, I am sure she will be better behaved. At that moment her daughter hugged her leg, “Mommy, can we? Can we get lunch?” She smiled and hugged her back…someday they would get there.

Her twins were playing on their tablets. This was the only way they could make it to church. One of her twins was just diagnosed with ADHD and the other one had severe behavioral issues. Both were calm while playing on their tablets. She saw the mom with the perfect-looking young daughter looking at her, silently judging her. She knew others thought they shouldn’t be on their tablets that long, but she also knew she needed to be here. She was barely hanging on by a thread. “Hi Mrs. Brower! Hello Andrew, how are you? Jacob, what are you playing?” said Chrissy, the teenage girl who lived two houses down. She helped them out from time to time. She was such a great girl. So normal, so sweet. Maybe one day my boys will get there…someday.

Chrissy’s mom saw her go over and talk to Mrs. Brower, with a smile on her face, so sweet, so loving. She saw her talking to Mrs. Brower’s twin boys. She seemed so at ease with them. So happy. At home Chrissy rarely talked to her mom, and when she did it typically ended with an argument and her bedroom door being slammed. She could never seem to say anything right these days. As tears formed in her eyes she silently pleaded with God: Lord, can we get past this stage? Can we get to the next part? Please help my daughter love me the way she loves others! Show me what to say to her.

Carol sat in the back of the church on this Mother’s Day watching others. She just wanted to make it through the entire service today. She knew it would be difficult watching other moms with their children. It had just been 3 months since her son overdosed. She would give anything to go back to holding him as a child, holding his hand as a toddler, working through his behavioral issues, spending time with him as a teenager. She couldn’t get any of that time back. She remembers how tough each season was, every moment. She just wishes she could have a moment with him again to tell him how loved he was, how proud she was of him. Would it have made a difference? She’s not sure, but oh, to go back. Just one more day. In her grief group, one of the mothers who had lost her child years ago, reminded her she wasn’t alone. That there were others like her. She also spoke of Mary and the suffering she must have felt, watching her son, THE Son, hanging on a cross. The grief she must have felt after he died. And while it doesn’t make it go away, the grief helps her to know that she is not alone. To know that others are suffering along with her. But still, she misses her son and wishes he was sitting next to her on Mother's Day.

My hope is this fictional story can remind you to find joy in this stage of motherhood, whatever stage you are in. To remember it won’t last forever, and to know no matter how hard it is, it is worth it. You WILL get to the next stage, and when you get there, you will miss the last stage and long for the next one. Try to be in the moment with your children today. Remember that there is someone wishing they were a mom, or missing the child who is no longer here. This isn’t to make you feel guilty, but a reminder of how precious motherhood is and how fleeting the time is. I hope today you feel loved and appreciated—whether you are a mother, long to be a mother, or are a mother figure! If you have a mother, take the time to thank them today, to love them and make them feel appreciated. It is one of the best jobs, but also one of the hardest! Also, if you are missing your child or your mom, please know we are praying for you!! From all of us to you: thank you moms!

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Her children arise and call her blessed Proverbs 31:28a

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9