In Love

6/7/2023

Written By: Nancy Purtlebaugh & Jenni Martinez

Nancy and Jenni are soon to be mother-in-love and daughter-in-love. Here are some thoughts on in-law/stereotypically difficult relationships.

Nancy:
Those in-law relationships can be tricky, especially with a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I prayed for a different kind of relationship–one that would be rooted in Christ and in love. I remember when Tristan first started talking about Jenni–I sensed and felt something different about her before I ever met her. I began praying specifically for Jenni–could she be the one who I’ve been praying for all these years, Father? The first time we met her, I had no doubt in my mind that she was it. She was going to be our daughter-in-love. One of the very first conversations we had was a very deep one, and I didn’t scare her off–in fact she seemed to love it!

Jenni:
Everyone knows the typical stereotype of the relationship between in-laws. Nancy and I have a relationship that I am so grateful for, I can talk to her about anything and everything. Even from the start, there was something different. I didn’t feel nervous that first day we met, and Tristan left Nancy and I talking together. Jesus kept showing me in different ways that this was the family that he chose for me to join. From the many little blessings it took for me to find Tristan—to the way his family accepted and loved me.

Nancy:
Jenni and Tristan fit so perfectly together! God did what He does–exceeded my expectations and prayers about her, she not only fits with Tristan perfectly, but perfectly in our family. She isn’t perfect (neither am I, or you) but she is perfectly made for us. Jenni is calm. She is someone who can help you see a different side in a loving way. She fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. She loves Jesus deeply and desires to learn more about Him. She sees her shortcomings and is willing to lay them out before us and God. Jenni has taught me so much in the time I have known her. She inspires me to be better. A better Christ-follower, a better mom, and honestly–a better wife. I watch how gentle and loving she is with my son. How she is protective of him and how encouraging she is to him. How she has allowed God to fill a void in her life after losing her dad as a young teenage girl. She loves us all, and we love her and truly enjoy spending time with her.

Jenni:
Nancy and I have been blessed that the stereotype of our relationship hasn’t been extremely difficult to work against, like it can be for some. However, I do know that working against any social norm can be quite challenging. Jesus specifically calls us to be different in Romans 12:2, to not conform to the patterns of this world; in other words, to be more like Him and less like ourselves. Jesus wants us to die to ourselves and live like Him so that all our relationships in life can succeed. The past few weeks Josh has talked about becoming more selfless, putting others ahead of ourselves like Jesus. I know this is easier said than done–but I think selflessness is such an important aspect of difficult relationships. It starts with simply making a conscious choice each morning to be different and set apart from what the world desires.

Nancy:
I had started praying for her from the time my son was little. I count it as a privilege to do so. I love my boys to pieces, they are young adults now, and soon enough another woman will have their hearts. Tristan and Jenni are getting married on July 22nd this year, and I’m so excited! Jenni and I have decided on something different than what this world has told us this relationship should look like. We want to be a family. I know this relationship will continue to change and evolve–but I also know we plan to work on it, be open and honest, have deep conversations, have fun, and learn more about Jesus together! Because we both love my son–and more importantly, we both love Jesus.

Nancy and Jenni:
We know this relationship will evolve as we continue to grow spiritually, but we want to encourage others by our relationship. Here are some ways we have decided to work on our relationship. We plan to continue being intentional and spending quality time together. We both value honesty and open communication, which is vital to any relationship. We already pray for one another, and we will continue to do that to grow closer with each other and Jesus. No relationship is perfect, and we want to make it clear that ours is not perfect at all, but we have made a conscious choice to be set apart like Jesus calls us to be.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2