Humble Pie

3/17/2021

Written By: Christina Gregory

Last night my daughter said something so profound that I think warrants being cast out into the world, mostly so I can refer back and marvel at this parenting win for the rest of my life. “I love following rules so I don’t get into trouble or die,” Zada, age 8. Y’all, my hands instinctively shot straight up and I sang “Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!” Meanwhile, my husband's eyes rolled so far back he risked toppling right over.

I am a proud rule follower! I go in the entrance and out the exit door every time. Even rules I don’t agree with, I choose to honor. Rules ensure order, they give us freedoms to prevent us from getting into trouble or dying, like Zada said! But sometimes I am a slave to obedience. Like Satan has taken something God has intended for my good and made it something obsessive.

My brain has a “Days Since Last Accident” sign where I track all my sins and I give myself NO grace. Most sin is black and white, so it works in my handy brain chart so well! Yelled at my kids because I was grumpy - back to zero. Undermined my husband - back to zero. Gossiping - zero. It’s a terrible practice, 0 out of 10 recommend it. But for longer than I want to admit I’ve struggled with a sin that isn’t so easily tracked on my brain chart. Pride.

My heart is so content with following the lead of our all-knowing, all-powerful, supremely good Father. What could I possibly bring to the table that is greater than He?

But my brain says…

“If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.”

“Asking for help is a weakness.”

“Think of all the things people will say when they find out you can’t do it on your own.”

“When things fail, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.”

And that’s what I do, I blame myself. Secretly. After working myself to exhaustion and losing sleep over commitments that I can’t meet on my own. No one has to know because I never let them in on my struggles to begin with. It seems safer and possibly less painful that way. The world tells me it’s the only way to be successful! But in my brain resounds “God opposes the proud.” I fear God enough for that to create such a deep ache in my heart.

I have pretended that pride is something I can share with God. That I can look at my children, my marriage, my finances, my commitments and say “Look what we’ve done, God! We did pretty good!” when they’ve turned out well. Imagine a pie that we’ll call Glory Pride pie (it’s a southern recipe. Lots of butter!) and we cut it into 8 perfect, little, pie triangles. How do you think God would feel if I just took one piece? He gets to keep the rest! That’s not such a bad deal, right? Isaiah 42:8 says:

“I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols.”

I get no pie. The pie isn’t mine to share. It’s much too good, perfect and buttery for my sin-filled, selfish, dirty hands to touch.

The other day as I’m talking to God about my pride issues, pouring Scripture over it like a salve, I say “Lord, thank you for protecting me from my own pride.” But it felt more like God spoke those words into my prayer for me to hear. Until that moment, I don’t think I knew or believed that sacrificing my pride was for my own protection. I think I saw pride as just one of those rules that I didn’t have to understand in order to honor. All I knew was that God says glory is all His, that He opposes pride and I get no pie. In that moment I was reminded of our Father’s all-knowing, all-powerful, supremely good character that has created rules and laws to give us freedom and protect us. Psalm 19:7-9 says:

“God’s laws are perfect. They protect us, make us wise, and give us joy and light. God’s laws are pure, eternal and just.”

I Iay down my pride, He picks it up. He picks up what the world says I should bear on my own - unrealistic expectations, failures, insecurities. He also picks up what I call my success! For His glory and for my good. Now when my brain tells me “God opposes the proud” I have made a commitment to speak out that whole Truth…

“But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6

Buttery Humble Pie!