Here’s a little help for those among us who struggle to find friends while ‘adulting’. Or maybe your teen is struggling to maintain solid friendships with other Christ-followers at school. Or maybe your elementary kiddo is just forming friendships and you want to make sure they’re forming good ones. ME TOO!

We can all probably name at least one person who has connected with an “old friend” and something happens that should never have happened. An affair. A weekend of “old times” leads to a morning of regret. A career ruined. A reputation tarnished.

I’ve seen firsthand the devastation of poor friends choices, especially by students. Suspensions. A lost spot on a team. A lost scholarship opportunity. Loss of relationships. Loss of trust.

The book of Proverbs talks over and over again about the importance of choosing the right friends. Who we spend our time with will either make us better at life or lead us into trouble. In Proverbs 13:20, Solomon writes “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.”

There are two great principles in Proverbs dealing with friendships:

1. Be a Good Friend. Be the kind of friend you want to have. If honesty is an important character trait in a friend, be honest. If you want friends who are growing in their relationship with Christ, you’ll need to focus on growing spiritually as well. If you don’t want friends who gossip, then don’t gossip.

This sounds so elementary. But are there any other adults out there who STRUGGLE to make friends? Me too! We try to keep our families afloat with all of the hectic schedules and homework and lessons and practices. Then add on dinner and dishes and laundry. We have to sleep…who has TIME for friends?!

But another writing by King Solomon tells us the ultimate purpose of friendship. We typically hear this Scripture at weddings…but Solomon is speaking of friends:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV

2. Find Wise Friends. Here are three simple questions to ask if you can’t seem to figure out if your friends are wise: Do they follow Jesus? Do they do the right thing? Do they make others better?

One fear I often have with that first question is: If I only have friends who follow Jesus, how do we fulfill the Great Commission…to ‘Make disciples”. Where better to look than to the example of Jesus?

I can only think of one example in Jesus’ ministry in which Scripture tells us He HAD to go somewhere for an encounter…the Samaritan Woman at the well. Every other encounter it seems Jesus was simply going about His daily routine and ministered to people in which He came in contact.

Do you know someone in your office who doesn’t know Jesus? Maybe someone whose locker is right next to yours at school? Or someone on your team? Or in your home? Take those every day moments and view them as an opportunity to shine the light of Christ.

I hesitate to share this next story because I don’t want it to be about me…but I believe it is the power of one’s testimony in our everyday lives.

As a football coach with high schoolers, there is certainly no shortage of players who can fall into bad choices and decisions. Whether it is bad friends, peer pressure, the not-fully-developed frontal cortex, or whatever…teens are kinda crazy.

One day, we had an athlete in the coaches’ office speaking with him about his propensity to not make the right choice. At one point in the discussion, one of our coaches spoke up and said: “When you get ready to do something stupid, I want you to stop and think to yourself, ‘What would Coach Cox do?’ And then do that!”

I was floored! And then we all laughed. But I got to thinking, “If that is what people think of me, I’ll take it.” Listen…I fail. A lot. But my goal in life is to be the kind of Christ-follower and friend that someone can point to as Paul said of himself, “Follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Cor 11:1).

And I choose my closest circle of friends as those who do the same. And then I try to take every opportunity to make an impact in the lives of those around me with the light of Christ..to help expand that circle even further.

The ONLY confidence I have, as a sinner in need of a Savior, is in the last part of Jesus’ Greatest Commission…”surely I am with you always. To the very end of the age” (Matt 28:20).

As Charles Spurgeon preached, “Oh, I wish that the church could hear the Savior addressing these words to her now, for the words of Christ are living words, not having power in them yesterday alone, but today also.” Let us pursue friends who share this passion…to expand our circle until the whole world hears.